swimming in the RAIN

今天，这个城市在下午的时候下了场雨。

我去了游泳，这一次，是真的在雨中游泳。

来回有十圈吧。就静静的一直游，把它给游完。

我到现在都还在想，你还真有力哦，每天都累成这样了，居然还有心情游泳。

一直这样游，游到没有力气为止，爬起来的时候风很大，雨势也开始变大了，拖起我的鞋子和毛巾，往室内里跑。

我到现在都还未告诉你一件事，我不去报考救生员的执照了，也放弃游泳成为我的课外活动了。

其实间中发生了一小段插曲，我相信那不是意外，而是挫败。

所以当我垂头丧气的看着那不怎么好看的泳池时，它让我丧失了想要跳下去的冲动，它破坏了让我觉得其实可以很美好的一切。

我想起了当时我跟那位教授说其实我很喜欢游泳，他说那里有个很大个的泳池。

对啊。是这样没错，但我还是决定了回头。

当我回去搭巴士的时候，当我一个人在床上还未睡着的时候，我觉得不安。

我一直在想其实为什么会这样，为什么就这样擦肩而过了？

我是不是该责怪自己的不坚持？还是赞赏自己的坚持？

但在这个下午，我跟自己说，游泳还会是你一直的兴趣，你不需要把它当作是一门功课，因为你需要的只是一个人安静的在里头畅泳，在里头慢慢的休息，然后疲惫的让你累了去睡个好觉，起来了，就什么事都没有了。

所以，我选择了回来休息。

其实有时候也得相信，这是个更好的安排。

我要用我的生命来爱你

sorry to reply you late,infact i m quite lazy to write letter ,mail, or write something in my face book.

since you left to kl, my face book was keep still, i rarely open it .

but received and return your mail is totaly diffrent, althought i m weak in writting english, but i think this is a oppotunity for me to polish my english rather to give it back to my teachers,

and more important, we eager to know anything from your, because your are one of our family members,and the elder's one who left us for staying together for more then 20years.

we are happy to hear that your are already used to the life in the u, and get more independent, that is all the student who go to u should do, you can't always depend to the parent, because you have to get into the community one day.

taiping is a nice place , the hari raya is in the corner, hope to see you soon.

家书

today is the 2nd week i leave home..

i miss everything in taiping..now only i realize why people always says that taiping was really a beautiful and slow moving town..everything was just perfect..

and now, i could always recall why my friends that had further their studies always dream to be back home..

sincerely, at that time i always think that they're not independent enough..

but now i totally change my mind..

i don't really know how my new friend think about..

all of them seems like enjoying their life in this big city..that's what they really dream of..

but for me, i was seriously home sick..

i miss daddy, mummy, didi, min min..

my friend always says that i'm princess in house..

too much of concern from parents and rely made this conclusion..

but i disagree..

that's not true i know..

i just know that our family link was very very strong compare to the others..

and i'm very very close to my siblings, i could spent all the time with my family without hanging out with my friend..

that's why i was call mummy's baby..

ya..sure, why not??

coz i really love my family, daddy and mummy..

they care for me so much rather than other parents do..

that's what i'm always proud of..i'm sure my friend would get envy..

daddy, i'm getting much better now..no more "raining" recently..

as u says, we have to accept this, so go ahead..

i'm young, energetic, and so my world should't be that small..

i would have my own life later on and this is the time to do it myself..

i know everything need time to ease, and i'm trying..

i now start to enjoy the life as a uni student..

and i know my courses compare to the others is much more heavier..

we have spend much more time doing projects, studio works..

but i believe that will made me gain much more than the others from the effort..

usually i feel moody in the morning, coz i have to wake up early,feeling drowsy and sleepy, being alone by myself preparing stuff to class, stressful by unknowns future, but daddy's mail always reminds me some good things in leading my life forward..

i should appreciate it, i know i'm introvert, but i still learn hard to be optimistic as daddy do..

on what Buddha says and what daddy always remind me..

"Everyday, think as you wake up,

today i'm fortunate to have woken up,

I'm alive, I have a precious human life,

I'm not going to waste it,

I'm going to useall my energies to develop myself,

to expand my heart out to others,

to archive enlightenment for the benefits of all beings.

I'm going to have kind thoughts towards others,

I'm not going to get angry,

or think badly about others,

I'm going to benefit others as much as I can."

I thinks i should learn to change my perspective now even though i'm facing the races problem..and i should always bear this in my mind..

i'm not perfect, but i will try, trying very hard..

accepting reality was not always just cons..

i learn many things here, and I too learn many things from you..

applying the method that you teach to lead my own life..

I always appreciate..

daddy, i miss the morning everything we'll gather around to have teh peng for breakfast at the hawker center..

i miss the time sitting on your motorbike, it's super duper comfortable and safe..

and i always believe, there's a place always waiting me to be back..

i always feel better when i think of that..

leave me alone

不要问我为什么会这样生气。

我知道你永远都不会察觉，在我跟你解释我不想回应你的理由时，我觉得其实没有必要跟你说那么多，因为我想揍你比较多一点。

所以不要让我开口，我的脾气没有很好，从来都没有很好。

而且你不要吓到，我就是这样，so what?

再次遇见。你。

我昨天真的把你臭骂了一顿。

骂到你都不敢多说，只是问我为什么突然这样生气。

后来我跟你说了抱歉，我说我的情绪很差，谢谢你给我那些很烂的回忆。

而最终，我想知道的答案，并不是你给的答案。

你说，因为我是一个懂你的，很好的朋友。

我说很抱歉，白痴。

一个好朋友不需要牵手。

而且我没有懂你，一点点也没有，不要自以为是。

还有，我不是你的好朋友。

我们相识在那短短的日子，而且之前交情没有很深。

很少谈心过，只是那短暂的那段时间，我们都走得很密。

但，在你身边，我从来都不觉得我们有在一起，我们都不曾承认过对方。

或许都只是暂时需要，不是吗？过了，就结束了。

你说，谢谢我这几个礼拜陪你。

我还记得，那顿早餐，我说欠你的还你，我不想跟你有任何瓜葛。

你说，我欠你太多，还不了。

是这样吗？

我自认没欠过你什么，这都是我们自己情愿那么做。

所以如果结束了，那么你就为自己负责吧。

而我，会好好反省的。

那些回忆对我来说或许是错误的，但，经过了这件事，我学会了很多，我学会放手了，所以我释怀了，我看得更清楚，其实什么才是更渴望追求的，而爱和喜欢的差别到底又是什么。

突然间才发现，其实所有人都好像离开得七七八八了。

算我这样已经很老了吧，但离开的那天还是到来了。

我不停的安慰自己，这是每个人的必经之路，你总要回到属于你的那个地方。

这以后，我的人生就会是一张白纸，一切都要重新开始了。

我想要去寻找回的那个我自己，到底会是什么样的呢？

但我知道，你们会一直这样陪着我。

影子，我想我不多说了，该说的平时我都已经跟你说完了。

认识你的确很不错。哈哈。

谢谢昨天下午的医生，觉得认识她很幸运，好像冥冥中的一种安排。

她让我也更确定了，到底我是一个怎样的人，我到底想要做的是什么。

还有现在才想起蓝天，我现在已经完全没有跟他说话了，不再依赖他了。

我答应拍给你照片，我已经忘到一干二净了，但我还是一直在拍，虽然通过这个兴趣我经历了很多事。

还有loke loke，谢谢你这几天陪我说话。

虽然也没有聊到很深入，但我喜欢你说话很直接，至少这样让我感觉很舒服。

谢谢你很相信我，我也一样。

好了，我已经说完了。

其实这不是真正的离别，我都没有离去，我一直还在，所以我什么都没有交代。

说实话，我很期待下一个假期，下一次的早餐，还有，再次遇见你。